Neighborhood Paranoia

I'm starting to suspect that the people across the street from me purposely and maliciously keep their window shades open to different levels just to make me anxious every time I look out the window.

I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt and pretend they aren't aware of the problems they're causing, but let's be serious. You can't have your window shades open to such dramatically different levels and not know it. It's anarchy, and it must end.

In addition, I also believe our garbage collectors and landscaping company have entered into a conspiracy to oust me from the neighborhood. Here is my evidence:

• Every Thursday (garbage day), my garbage can is left rolling through the streets like a tumbleweed, while all my neighbors' receptacles are lined up neatly along the curb.
• Once, last summer, the landscapers left their pruning shears on my patio. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it seemed vaguely threatening.

I think I already have enough to build a good case, but I'll continue collecting evidence throughout the summer.