- Digestion
- Moisture
- Google alerts
- Motorists
- Native flora
- The super moon
- Blueberries
- Using question marks
- My flat iron
- Men with feelings
- Street youths
- Gatorade
- Naming things
- Slideshows
- Four way stops
- Facebook messenger
- Moving around
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
A Non-Exhaustive List of Things I'm Over
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Apocalypse Manifesto
I'd make a great post-Apocalyptic dictator.
My rise to power would be swift and merciless. Meteoric, the historians will call it, because I'll make them.
I would impose harsh yet necessary order upon the remaining population, and eliminate potential threats at the first sign of dissent. My rule may be described as "terrible" by an unhappy, short-lived few, but that's only because they're not smart enough to understand that it's for their own good.
I owe a lot of my future success to Cosmos: A Space Time Odyssey.
At first I found the show bone-crushingly depressing. Everything beautiful in the universe is only cold, lifeless gas and hot, deadly radiation, and things are vast on a scale to the point that nothing even matters anymore. Numbers cease to mean anything. We are basically pointless.
But then, huzzah. A breakthrough.
We are so tiny. In the grand scheme of things we are basically just a tiny speck. That means it would be so easy to just take over. One apocalyptic event to wipe out most of the competition, and I'm on top.
Who's with me.
More importantly, who's not.
My rise to power would be swift and merciless. Meteoric, the historians will call it, because I'll make them.
I would impose harsh yet necessary order upon the remaining population, and eliminate potential threats at the first sign of dissent. My rule may be described as "terrible" by an unhappy, short-lived few, but that's only because they're not smart enough to understand that it's for their own good.
I owe a lot of my future success to Cosmos: A Space Time Odyssey.
At first I found the show bone-crushingly depressing. Everything beautiful in the universe is only cold, lifeless gas and hot, deadly radiation, and things are vast on a scale to the point that nothing even matters anymore. Numbers cease to mean anything. We are basically pointless.
But then, huzzah. A breakthrough.
We are so tiny. In the grand scheme of things we are basically just a tiny speck. That means it would be so easy to just take over. One apocalyptic event to wipe out most of the competition, and I'm on top.
Who's with me.
More importantly, who's not.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Patio Postulations
I decided to force myself to spend more time outside this summer. I'm outside right now, accomplishing goals. #happinessadvantage
In an effort to beautify my outdoor living space, I planted a flower. It was awful, the dirt was hard, and in the end I just gave up and kind of mashed it into the planter. Now there are mysterious holes appearing in the dirt overnight. Is something digging in my planter, or did something inside come out? I hate both scenarios.
Also, every time I open my patio umbrella I feel like a shower of worms is going to pour down. I don't know why. How would worms even get up there. Unclear.
Yesterday, there was a large bird of prey in my backyard. A raptor, if you will.
Basically a velociraptor. I made noises at it until it posed majestically. Photo journalism.
A couple days before that there was a praying mantis. I didn't get a pic, because I was more afraid of that and wouldn't go outside.
My citronella candles protect against nothing.
In an effort to beautify my outdoor living space, I planted a flower. It was awful, the dirt was hard, and in the end I just gave up and kind of mashed it into the planter. Now there are mysterious holes appearing in the dirt overnight. Is something digging in my planter, or did something inside come out? I hate both scenarios.
Also, every time I open my patio umbrella I feel like a shower of worms is going to pour down. I don't know why. How would worms even get up there. Unclear.
Yesterday, there was a large bird of prey in my backyard. A raptor, if you will.
Basically a velociraptor. I made noises at it until it posed majestically. Photo journalism.
A couple days before that there was a praying mantis. I didn't get a pic, because I was more afraid of that and wouldn't go outside.
My citronella candles protect against nothing.
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